Connection is what makes parenting joyful. (And it’s what makes parenting easier!)
Emotional connection is making time for our child every day and giving him our focused attention. It is our child knowing she really matters to us and we’re there for her even if she’s melting down.
Physical connection is important too. Hugs are good for us physiologically- they raise our oxytocin and serotonin levels- and they make us feel loved. We have to remember to make time for physical connection. With our busy schedules it’s easy to forget to stop and connect.
When I heard this quote last week I realized I really need to hug my kids more:
“We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
– Virginia Satir, American psychologist
Physical connection comes naturally with our babies in arms, toddlers who demand “UP!” and young children who often climb into our laps. With older kids we really have to work at it. My 9 year old will still drape herself across me every chance she gets, but my 12 year old and 16 year old boys? Not really…
When I heard that quote about hugs, I realized my boys were barely getting their 4 a day. So I playfully challenged them to 12 hugs a day. They could hug me or their dad, their dog, each other– all hugs count! I’m trying to hug them hello and goodbye, good morning and good night. And any other times I can squeeze one in. My middle boy is pretty enthusiastic and my eldest is tolerant. But I think it’s working because the other night they hugged each other good night.
(An aside: I’ve often wondered if the root of some teen problems is a lack of physical contact. Are they cranky because they don’t get enough tenderness? Do they get in fights and have one-night-stands because they really just need a hug?!)
So- go hug your kids! And your partner if you have one.
This can be a challenging journey! Work one-on-one with me and get all the tools and support you need to become the parent you want to be. If you think you want some more support- I invite you to fill out an application for a free 20 minute consult with me. Learn more about working with me here. Book a free short consult here!
Sarah Rosensweet is a certified peaceful parenting coach, speaker, and educator. She lives in Toronto with her husband and three big kids (ages 15, 18, and 21). Peaceful parenting is a non-punitive, connection-based approach that uses firm limits with lots of empathy. Sarah works one-on-one virtually with parents all over the world to help them go from frustrated and overwhelmed to, “We’ve got this!”
Read more at: www.sarahrosensweet.com
![As parents, we all face challenges, but what happens when traditional parenting approaches don’t work?
That’s why my client during this call, Samantha, is actively transitioning to a Peaceful Parenting approach.
We’re talking through how those challenges can feel even more intense when your child is more sensitive and needs additional attention and understanding.
Join us to discover major tips for a more peaceful parenting journey.
Go to https://link.chtbl.com/Z_YOP4jb to listen to this episode now, and share it with a friend you know needs to hear it too.
[ID: Photo of child and parent arguing on a blue background. Audiogram reads, “Yeah. The fact that he brought it up again tells me that he’s got some shame around it and feeling bad about it. So we don’t need to bring it up in a corrective way. I’m going to exaggerate for the purposes here, but, you know, yesterday when you bit me, biting is not okay. We don’t bite in our house. We don’t want to do any of that. He already knows that, right? There’s no information gap where he thinks biting is okay. So the healing that has to happen is around he needs to feel like, back to the beginning when we started talking, he needs to feel like you still think he’s a good person and that’s why he brought it up, because he feels bad about it. So you can say to him and he says, oh, what did he say again? Remember yesterday when I bit you? Yeah. And he said, I’m a bad boy. So you can say there’s no such thing as bad boys. Mhmm, that is, yeah. They’re only boys who sometimes are having a hard time.”]
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