“No matter the problem, kindness is always the right response.” – L.R. Knost
Stop and think for a minute about how hard this is. Really! Let’s be honest!
Problem: Your child hits their sister (or does something else they KNOW is wrong.) What do you do?
If you are dedicated to peaceful parenting, you know that a consequence is not the answer and you forgo the punishment.
But what next? What happens after you tend to the hurt sibling? It can be really hard to respond with kindness when your child has just done something wrong. You might be tempted to give them a bit of a cold shoulder or withdraw. You don’t want them to think that what they did is okay!
When I suggest that we respond with compassion, many of you have said, “But I don’t want to reward bad behaviour! If I’m kind and loving after they hit, won’t they think they can just do it again?”
A child who is acting out is doing so because they are having a hard time.
Have you ever acted horribly because you were having a hard time? (I hope I’m not the only one!) Would you want your friend or your partner to respond by treating you coolly, ignoring you, sighing loudly? Or would you want them to gather you up in a hug and ask what’s wrong and offer to help?
Love withdrawal, or not not acting with kindness, is just another form of punishment.
As L.R. Knost says, “No matter the problem, kindness is always the answer.” They’re doing the best they can!
Want some more support?
Book a free short consult with me.
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Sarah Rosensweet is a certified peaceful parenting coach, speaker, and educator. She lives in Toronto with her husband and three big kids (ages 15, 18, and 21). Peaceful parenting is a non-punitive, connection-based approach that uses firm limits with lots of empathy. Sarah works one-on-one virtually with parents all over the world to help them go from frustrated and overwhelmed to, “We’ve got this!”
Read more at: www.sarahrosensweet.com
![As parents, we all face challenges, but what happens when traditional parenting approaches don’t work?
That’s why my client during this call, Samantha, is actively transitioning to a Peaceful Parenting approach.
We’re talking through how those challenges can feel even more intense when your child is more sensitive and needs additional attention and understanding.
Join us to discover major tips for a more peaceful parenting journey.
Go to https://link.chtbl.com/Z_YOP4jb to listen to this episode now, and share it with a friend you know needs to hear it too.
[ID: Photo of child and parent arguing on a blue background. Audiogram reads, “Yeah. The fact that he brought it up again tells me that he’s got some shame around it and feeling bad about it. So we don’t need to bring it up in a corrective way. I’m going to exaggerate for the purposes here, but, you know, yesterday when you bit me, biting is not okay. We don’t bite in our house. We don’t want to do any of that. He already knows that, right? There’s no information gap where he thinks biting is okay. So the healing that has to happen is around he needs to feel like, back to the beginning when we started talking, he needs to feel like you still think he’s a good person and that’s why he brought it up, because he feels bad about it. So you can say to him and he says, oh, what did he say again? Remember yesterday when I bit you? Yeah. And he said, I’m a bad boy. So you can say there’s no such thing as bad boys. Mhmm, that is, yeah. They’re only boys who sometimes are having a hard time.”]
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