I want to share with you a wonderful video from Avital at The Parenting Junkie that shows the peaceful parenting strategies in action. She comes in mid-fight meltdown and is Switzerland and then helps the boys find win/win solutions.
A note: the is an aspirational video. It is clear that her boys are at an advanced level of working things out. Avital has clearly been using this approach since they were very small. You and your kids can get there if you stick with it!
Have a watch (turn on the subtitles!) and notice how she
- listens in an empathic and NEUTRAL! way, without judgement, while comforting the upset boys
- gets both boys’ stories
- asks, “What can we do now to solve the problem?”
- restates: “You want both of these guys and he wants one.”
- asks the older boy to suggest his possible solution to his brother
- asks the younger brother if that works for him
- tells the older brother to come for help next time instead of hurting his brother
I love seeing this approach in action!
The boys in this video look like they are used to this method. It won’t be this easy at first, but if you keep trying your children will know that you will Be Switzerland and help them find Win/Win Solutions. They will come to trust that everyone gets listened to and heard without interruption and with empathy, and that you will help them find a solution that works for everyone. And as they grow, they will be able to do this without you.
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