“When kids are always respectful, complacent and obedient with adults, it is often because they are afraid of those adults.” – Melinda Wenner Moyer, science journalist
My dad sent me an article from the NY Times this morning. (thanks Dad!)
The title is, “Why Your Kid’s Bad Behaviour May Be A Good Thing.” It was written by Melinda Wenner Moyer, a science journalist.
Wenner Moyer writes that research shows that kids raised with authoritarian parenting (controlling and fear-based parenting) show an “increased risk for anxiety and depression, exhibit more disruptive behavior and are more likely than other kids to have low self-esteem.”
Permissive parenting (lacking sufficient boundaries) has also been proven problematic by researchers.
Wenner Moyer continues:
Research overwhelmingly suggests that what parents should strive for is a middle ground, “goldilocks” approach known as authoritative parenting [the official name for peaceful parenting]. These parents have high expectations of their kids and set strict limits, but they are also warm and respectful with their children and sometimes willing to negotiate.
Research shows that children of authoritative parents perform better in school than their peers, are more honest with their parents and are also kind and compassionate.
Why am I sharing this with you today?
Because over and over again, from my clients and members of my community, I hear WORRY that maybe the peaceful parenting approach won’t work.
“I would NEVER have spoken to my parents like this when I was a child”
“My neighbour’s child always does what they’re told… Why do I need to put in so much effort with my child?”
SO- If you need motivation to continue on your peaceful parenting journey- don’t take my word for it!
(Although I can personally and professionally tell you that peaceful parenting works to raise great kids!)
The research supports the peaceful parenting approach.
Our long-term goals, what most of us want, is for our children to grow into healthy, happy, successful and independent humans.
Authoritative parenting (peaceful parenting) is the science-backed way to get there.
Wenner Moyer concludes:
“Ultimately, what the research suggests is that harsh, strict parenting does not sow the seeds for healthy development; it does the opposite. In the short term, sure, kids might be better behaved. In the long term, children suffer.”
Sarah Rosensweet is a certified peaceful parenting coach, speaker, and educator. She lives in Toronto with her husband and three big kids (ages 15, 18, and 21). Peaceful parenting is a non-punitive, connection-based approach that uses firm limits with lots of empathy. Sarah works one-on-one virtually with parents all over the world to help them go from frustrated and overwhelmed to, “We’ve got this!”
Read more at: www.sarahrosensweet.com