“Unconditional parents want to know how to do something other than threaten and punish. They don’t see their relationship with their children as adversarial so their goal is to avoid battles, not win them.” – Alfie Kohn
What does it look like to have a non-adversarial relationship with our kids? We recognize that even if our agenda is awesome, we may still need to drop it if our child has a different idea and it’s not a health or safety consideration. When our kids aren’t meeting our expectations, we look at our expectations and see if they are reasonable. We try to tease out if something is actually really important rather than think that our kids should obey us just because we are the adults. We listen to our kids and try to work out solutions that are good for everyone. Does this mean the kids are in charge? Absolutely not! We just try to treat them like we would like to be treated and be flexible whenever we can. All of this is “money in the bank” for when we really need our child to cooperate. They learn over time that we are not power-tripping or trying to control them unnecessarily and they trust us when we say, “This is important.”
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Sarah Rosensweet is a certified peaceful parenting coach, speaker, and educator. She lives in Toronto with her husband and three big kids (ages 15, 18, and 21). Peaceful parenting is a non-punitive, connection-based approach that uses firm limits with lots of empathy. Sarah works one-on-one virtually with parents all over the world to help them go from frustrated and overwhelmed to, “We’ve got this!”
Read more at: www.sarahrosensweet.com
![As parents, we all face challenges, but what happens when traditional parenting approaches don’t work?
That’s why my client during this call, Samantha, is actively transitioning to a Peaceful Parenting approach.
We’re talking through how those challenges can feel even more intense when your child is more sensitive and needs additional attention and understanding.
Join us to discover major tips for a more peaceful parenting journey.
Go to https://link.chtbl.com/Z_YOP4jb to listen to this episode now, and share it with a friend you know needs to hear it too.
[ID: Photo of child and parent arguing on a blue background. Audiogram reads, “Yeah. The fact that he brought it up again tells me that he’s got some shame around it and feeling bad about it. So we don’t need to bring it up in a corrective way. I’m going to exaggerate for the purposes here, but, you know, yesterday when you bit me, biting is not okay. We don’t bite in our house. We don’t want to do any of that. He already knows that, right? There’s no information gap where he thinks biting is okay. So the healing that has to happen is around he needs to feel like, back to the beginning when we started talking, he needs to feel like you still think he’s a good person and that’s why he brought it up, because he feels bad about it. So you can say to him and he says, oh, what did he say again? Remember yesterday when I bit you? Yeah. And he said, I’m a bad boy. So you can say there’s no such thing as bad boys. Mhmm, that is, yeah. They’re only boys who sometimes are having a hard time.”]
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