“Any time your child pushes your buttons they’re showing you an unresolved issue from your own childhood. “- Dr. Laura Markham
Wow, right? After helping thousands of parents, I see this over and over again.
One mom could hear, “You’re the meanest mom ever and you’re not coming to my birthday party!” and not be bothered at all. (In fact they might laugh!)
Another mom could hear this and feel so sad and maybe even angry. This mom might have an unresolved issue about feeling liked and feeling good enough and her child is activating that fear.
One dad might shrug and recognize that he needs to get his child’s attention more effectively when he calls his child to come get ready for bed and is totally ignored.
Another dad might feel really angry. This dad might have not felt seen and heard as a child and this feeling is getting activated by his child.
Your triggers aren’t my triggers. My triggers aren’t your triggers. This is because we have all had different experiences in childhood and in life.
This is our opportunity: Whenever we ‘see red’- how can we look within ourselves to heal?
First, recognize that this is not about you. Your child is having a hard time, not giving you a hard time. Try not to take it personally.
Take a deep breath. Then, give yourself some compassion.
“Even though my child is angry at me, I’m still loveable and worthy. This is not a reflection on me.”
“Even though my child is ignoring me, I am worth listening to and I matter.”
This is the only way we can heal our triggers and not get our buttons pushed anymore. It takes time but it is possible!
Sarah Rosensweet is a certified peaceful parenting coach, speaker, and educator, and the parenting advice columnist for Canada’s Globe and Mail newspaper. She lives in Toronto with her husband and three big kids (ages 13, 16, and 19). Peaceful parenting is a non-punitive, connection-based approach that uses firm limits with lots of empathy. Sarah works one-on-one virtually with parents all over the world to help them go from frustrated and overwhelmed to, “We’ve got this!”
Read more at: www.sarahrosensweet.com